By Susan Lair, PhD
Educational Consultant
Your partner or spouse has accepted an interim head of school position in Connecticut – France! After 40 years in independent school education, 20 of them as a head of school's spouse or partner, it's time to reflect on what makes sense for you: Do you stay or do you go?
It could be an adventure – weekend excursions, additional income, and an opportunity to give back to the industry you love. The school has arranged for a lovely, furnished three-bedroom carriage house, but what about your family, job, pets, and your permanent home?
If your spouse has accepted an interim head of school position, here are ten questions to consider.
What are your spouse's intentions? Could this interim year extend to two years? Could it be permanent?
Like never before, it's time to talk very seriously with your spouse about established commitments, expectations during the interim headship, and longevity. Your spouse's interim headship requires a commitment to preparing the school for its permanent leader. Now is the time to be on the same page to avoid surprises. Read the contract's fine print. Don’t let the excitement of adventure distract you from making thoughtful decisions together.
Are you ready to pack up and relocate if your spouse becomes an interim head?
Moving is a hassle, especially if it is a short-term move. Put the details of the move on paper and factor in the financial aspects. Even with a moving allowance, it's expensive to move twice within a year— once when you leave and again when you move back. Remember that remote locations, regardless of how beautiful, may have less availability of common resources, even in the United States. If your career is highly specialized or your child has an interest or talent that simply can't be served in another area, it may make more sense to stay where you are. If you are a two-income family, consider that some countries require established residence before employment for you, and a quaint village in the mountains of France may not need another architect.
There can be excitement about family visiting you in your new location. One spouse I know lived several hours from his interim school head wife. Over the course of a year, while he tended to post-career obligations, the two made regular weekend trips back and forth. The weekly planning added an element of fun for long weekday evenings alone, frequent stays in the furnished apartment, and weekend getaways together, infusing a sense of excitement and helping the school year fly by. Of course, if your priority is to keep your family together, this decision will involve some sacrifices, but they can be well worth it. Research the area and make a detailed plan.
Are the expectations for your interaction with the interim head of school clear and in writing?
During your spouse's years as a school head, you hosted dinners, attended galas, read to students, helped with fundraising, and served on committees. Will the expectations be the same? Or will your job be just that of a trusted confidant experienced in the complicated world of school headship? Ask about expectations, and do not assume anything.
What about living arrangements?
Where will you live? Keep in mind that an interim headship often requires longer work days than usual. Your living arrangement is not permanent, but it should be comfortable. If your spouse is headed to a year at a boarding school, the two of you may want to consider living off-campus. If so, how could it be arranged? Will you incur a tax obligation for the housing expenses paid by the school? If the school provides housing, get clear expectations in writing concerning authority requirements, upkeep, repairs, and deposits. Life's unexpected challenges will happen, but a thoughtful plan can make your year-away a treasured memory.
What will you do while you’re at a new temporary home?
Begin researching opportunities and ask the transition committee for assistance. For example, can you work at the school? What is the school's nepotism policy? Can the school use a regular library volunteer? Consider your interests: Is there a local master gardener or an antique club in the area? Could this be an opportunity to attend culinary, fly fishing, or carpentry courses you have longed to take? Is there a community college in the area or a church that could use your experience? Know what you can and cannot do and sketch out your year before the welcome parties transition to daily routines.
What do you do about your permanent home?
There are lots of considerations about the upkeep of your permanent home. Who will pick up the mail? Could a neighbor help? What about that tree you planted last year? Talk to an armed service family member or clergy friend for experienced advice. Many professions include temporary relocation guidelines, suggestions, and expectations. Check out this handy moving reference from the Department of Defense. While written for military families, there are useful checklists that apply to your potential move.
Make a detailed list that includes having your address changed at the post office, turning off the water, emptying the refrigerator, turning on the alarm system, and installing timers on a few lamps to give your home a lived-in look. You can always hire pool and yard maintenance services but consider the added cost. Share your plans (and alarm codes) with a trusted neighbor or a relative. Rather than a car or home allowance from the school, you might consider asking for a home watch service for your permanent residence.
What about medical access?
Aside from finding a new pharmacy and transferring your medications, ask the transition committee to recommend physicians, dentists, ophthalmologists, and any specialists your family needs. Let your regular doctors know you are relocating for a year and ask for referrals. Keep in mind that specialized care and services may not be readily available in your temporary location. Making these arrangements before you leave for your interim year can give you peace of mind and practical assurance.
Does your spouse's contract allow for sick days, travel expenses for trips home, flextime in place of vacation days?
A one-year interim head of school contract often runs from July 1 to June 30 the following calendar year. Since it’s essential that the head "show up during an interim year," typical contracts allow for little time away from work. Family responsibilities may fall to you. Take time to think through key family dates and obligations. If your spouse's contract does not include flextime or travel expenses, your daydreams of an evening on the white sands of Florida have a more substantial chance of becoming a reality with a thoughtful plan.
What about a support system? Family obligations? Friends?
A support system and a plan are vital to lowering interim year anxiety. Before you decide to move, consider childcare options, the adjustment process, and potential disruptions to your family's lives. If you are empty nesters, it may be easier to slip away for a year but have an emergency plan for your college student and prearranged plans for their holidays.
Think through how you will manage important events and life's unexpected moments – the needs of an elderly parent, a "can't miss" wedding, a funeral, and a special year for a grandchild. Overseas interim appointments may offer little in the way of family support. The complexities of an interim year can cause a family to weigh whether it's worth going along or better staying behind. When all is said and done, do what is best for your family. You may decide that staying home and keeping your regular routines during your spouse's interim headship brings your family a welcome sense of normalcy.
What if you decide to stay home?
Can it work? Sure, but like anything you treasure, it takes work. Simple things like prearranged talking times can mean reliable conversations with your spouse and less worry. Technology can help. Use FaceTime or Zoom and consider adding tracking apps to your phones. Exchange emergency contact information with your spouse. Arrange a coded message with your spouse’s new administrative assistant to handle an emergency that means, “Stop what you're doing and call now." Remember, you can always change your mind and change your plan!
Years ago, Patrick Bassett, former president of the National Association of Independent Schools, noted that "the interim headship is almost always a win-win situation for schools and for heads." Use the thoughtful planning and the wisdom you have gained from years of unsung service as an indispensable team member to the school and head of school. As the spouse of an interim head of school, you can spend a year exploring a new part of the country, fulfill dreams of your own, or have time to prioritize family.
Most importantly, an interim headship can provide you the opportunity to craft your very own unique swan song to the life your spouse and you have shared serving independent schools.
Read more about the value of hiring an interim head of school.
Talk with Susie Lair about interim head of school opportunities at slair@educationgroup.com.
At The Education Group, we are experts in leading and guiding schools through searches for heads of school. Our coaches and consultants are former heads of schools or school leaders who tailor our searches, executive coaching, and consulting to your school’s needs and goals.